If the Sonic characters were real animals
by Draco-FD
Summary: If the Sonic characters were real animals... Tails would eat Sonic, Vector would want to destroy his team, and Bark would rule all!
1. Foxes and Hedgehogs

Tails woke up hungry. Very hungry. _Breakfast!, _he thought. So, Tails went downstairs and pulled out some cereal. He looked through his choices: SonicO's, SpecialS, Sonic Brand, Sonic Charms, and Sonic Puffs. But, Tails wasn't hungry for the cereal. He. Wanted. MEAT.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Tails ran to go answer it.

"Hey Tails, what's up?" Sonic stood in the doorway.

Suddenly, Tails' mind went into pretator mode. _Prey, prey! _was all he was thinking.

"Um, Tails, you're drooling."

"MEAT!"

Sonic yelped when Tails lunged at him. He ran away, Tails, somehow right behind him.

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Luna the Wolf and Sol the Cheetah (OC's) were walking along a path, when suddenly Sonic zoomed past, followed by Tails. Luna started drooling and staring at where Sonic had just ran away. She too shouted "MEAT!" and ran after them, with Sol not knowing what had just happened -- literally. Sol was walking like nothing happened.

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**30 minutes of boring chasing later...**

Sonic had been joined by Shadow, Silver, Scourge, Amy, and OVER NINE THOUUUUUSAAAND! (lame) OC's. Some were running faster than Sonic and Shadow, some were slower, some were eaten, some were getting autographs from Barack Obama, some were eating pie, some were burying themselves in cheese, some were -- getting back on topic -- trying to fight the millions of fox, wolf, and other pretator OC's. And Tails and Luna.

Then everyone blew up and the story ended. The End.

By, Marc/k Brown


	2. Vector and the Chaotix

So...  
How long has it been? How are the kids?

Maybe this isn t that old, but I kinda just lost interest in FanFiction a little after writing this.  
ANYWAY, enjoy the second chapter of If the Sonic Characters Were Real Animals, featuring the Chaotix.

Vector was a large animal. He was a crocodile, or an alligator. Who really knows. The two animals just seem the same, but the GENUS and KINGDOM are different, so the two SPECIES are completely different.

In case you re wondering, I hate biology. Moving along.

It is a known fact that alligators or crocodiles are vicious animals, who eat anything. If you didn t know that, then you ve been deprived of certain things in your childhood.

Speaking of deprived, Vector always felt like something was missing from his life. Right now he wasn t thinking of that, but very soon he would. Because Vector suddenly had the urge to read the newspaper. A newspaper that was about two years old. he just decided, "I am an undecided animal, I have rights" and flopped on the couch with the paper of news. (GEDDIT?)

So he just so happened to see the headline:  
**MASS MEAT EATING RAGE OF FOXES, WOLVES, AND A CRAPTON OF OTHER THING. SERIOUSLY, HOW MANY OCs ARE THERE? EVEN MORE HEDGEHOGS, TOO! WTF**

Then, right then, something in Vector clicked. Meat. That s what he was missing. Pretty soon he would have what he wanted all along.

Espio was currently practicing NINJA MOVES because he is a NINJA. Unfortunately, he did not notice Vector sneaking towards him.

Or perhaps he didn t care because Vector usually sneaked by blundering quite noisily through furniture.

The purple chameleon turned his head from his position to look at Vector destroying the living room to get to him. He turned his head farther and saw right into Vector. Into his sooouuuul. He saw the carnivore coming.

_"Oh, well. Vector s going to eat me, but he ll never get Charmy, since I ate him yesterday."_

***  
Rushed endings/stories FTW. Review and give me happiness.

Also, in case you didn't know, the "real animals" thing doesn't mean everyhing. Would you like me to write about Knuckles digging through soft bark with his snout?


	3. Mediocre Maria

"Maria! I have found the answer to all of your problems! HIDS and whatnot." Professor Gerald came bursting into Maria s room as she was ripping the heads off dolls in her sudden bursts of uncontrollable rage of the author using pointless run-on sentences and writing this as he goes along.

Disregard that.

"Grandpa! You ve found the cure to my illness?" Maria asked, sitting cross-legged on her bed, the shredding remains of dolls around her.

"Of course I have. You think the unparalleled genius of Gerald Robotnik would ever fail?" Gerald boasted.

"Grandpa, you're being silly!" Maria giggled, "So is it an injection? I don t like needles."

"What? Medicine? Why would I waste time on that? No, I have something even better right here."

"Well, what is it? Maria's curiosity was beginning to grow.

"It's" Gerald paused for dramatic effect, "A hedgehog!" Gerald proudly displayed a red and black harmless hedgehog, showing an expression of pure triumph.

"Grandpa."

"Yes?"

"You spent ALL of our money and put MY LIFE on the line... FOR A HEDGEHOG?" Maria seethed, capitalizing certain words to shout in Gerald's face, making his mustache go flying in random directions.

"That I did... Oh." Gerald turned pale.

The next day, Maria was executed by GUN for killing nine men on the Space Colony ARK.

Half-assed chapter! ^_^ I just wanted to get something done, and not wait two years again. Because then we'd all be dead HAHA. Just kidding, NASA proved all that crap wrong.

Hopefully next chapter is longer and/or more humorous.

On an unrelated note, I skipped Bark.

On another unrelated note, I hate Notepad.


	4. Chris Thorndyke's Pet is a Threat RYHME

"Commander! We have him!" A uniformed GUN soldier said, bursting into his superior's room, "The criminal, we know who it is!"

"Excellent!" exclaimed the commander, who happened to not be wearing pants. This, however was normal in the GUN facility, as everything turned out to be a little different. Considering their name was clearly abnormal. How could a unit that protects the world be called GUN? As in, something harmful? Some of the officers had to be taken away in an ambulance; their minds had been blown. So, eventually soldiers came to terms that the commander had to represent the strangeness of the facility.

In conclusion, GUN needed a change in name. But, that wasn't important.

"We believe the emerald thief is in this location!" the soldier reported to the pantless, and now hairless, commander. He handed over a slip of aper to the pantless, hairless, and three-quarters eyebrowless man. The commander raised a quarter-eyebrow, and nodded.

"Good. Surround the perimeter, and capture the thief."

"Right away, sir!" the soldier saluted, and left.

"When he was out of earshot, the commander muttered, "Dick."

...

"Come out, now! We have you surrounded!" A voice shouted into his loudspeaker, with GUN troops around him. GUN had invaded the Thorndyke mansion, and (as it was 2 in the morning (GUN NEVE SLEEPS, THEY'RE LIKE ANTS!)) Chris' mother came out in her comepletely-made-out-of-jewels bathrobe.

She shouted, "WHO THE F#&%$#%$ IS INTERUPPTING ME, MY HUSBAND'S, AND wittle-ickle-cutie-pie-munchkin-lolcake-kisskiss-booboo-tookeetin-mother-of-a-lamb-fudgecakey-^_^-;)-smiley-faces-r-win-ololo CHRIS' SLEEP?"

"GUN"

"Oh, OK. What do you want?"

"Your son's pet."

Chris' mother blinked, "The hedgehog?"

...

AND THAT'S WHY SONIC ADVENTURE 2 SUCKS.

Actually, it's a great game. Never mind. Sonic X – SA2 crossover. Someone should do that. Not counting the Sonic X arc.

…

…

MY IDEA.

I actually enjoyed writing this chapter, but I feel it's too similar to Chapter well.


End file.
